But while lying to get out of attending a staff meeting isnt a great move and its particularly a jerk move coming from the boss, because its an obvious double standard Im not sure its fury-worthy or quit-worthy. I believe NJ anon is pointing out that salaried and exempt arent technically the same thing, and that if youre non-exempt and salaried, working extra hours without extra pay is still is a DOL-type violation. Mostly, someone wouldnt mind taking them on, even for the odd party. But theres absolutely no indication that the woman OP writes about has noticed even. You are lucky you are not really interacting every day so it will get better soon. Demands that you answer and no flexibility with your weekday hours? Keeping statistics on eye contact, among other things, is absolutely a deliberate choice. I am not making any excuses. Its just something it would be good to move forward from, and the OP has asked about how to do that. I hate reading stuff like this. In fact, I have also had a workplace crush and it was the co-owner of the small company I was working for. You meant well, but it backfired. Therefore, avoiding eye contact at work is not a workable situation! Yes, this. These elements are all equally essential to the overall out-of-office message. Why not give the woman hes creeping on the benefit of the doubt instead? You do realize that attraction or lack of it can change with time right? Sometimes, they might need an urgent response for something, so they must get informed that you wont be available for it. Attraction is an important component of romance and its the most immediately and outwardly obvious sign so its often the first thing that brings a couple together. Yeah, OP2 is now back in my good graces after mentioning that she was the first girl hed ever asked out. 2. Hes clearly a nice guy who has stated hes trying to respect her and not be creepy. You only quit when everything else has failed. I emailed my manager and Being in a generally strong position to quit any job is ideal, but even then youll need to make specific preparations when the time comes. (This is also IMHO why its more difficult if you ask them out early onfor one thing, being asked out adds an additional stressor to the inherent stress of starting at a new team/job, but for another, you dont get a chance to establish a baseline of what a normal interaction would look like.). That sentence wasnt meant as an attack or a knock Im saying that going forward, this is a specific thing you should be doing to mediate your awkwardness in social interactions. We were in different departments, and during the rest of the time at that company, many times we were not in the same building. Since Ill be busy, I wont be able to reply to your messages. OP, your co-worker has been mature, said no graciously and like you seems to be prepared to move on and build a professional relationship. There are absolutely creeps in the workplace, but I feel like youre jumping to a lot of conclusions based on your own experiences rather than what the OP has actually reported as happening. It doesnt matter that hes trying or not trying. OP does need to treat her as he would any other co-worker, but he is under no obligation to pretend the rejection didnt happen. 4 Note (Especially as she has been forthcoming and honest with you.). If you have some urgent matter, you can contact *employee name*, here is their email address *email address*. Id just really caution you to make sure it is and that youre not allowing other people to make their problems your problems, because I think that can happen in dysfunctional or high drama work situations (which this sounds like, without any further information people are quitting over this?). I have no desire to be friends on Facebook with people I never met in person. I dont think you shouldnt feel too sheepish you wouldnt have wanted to spend an exhaustive time researching if the answer was going to be no. Examples of these emergencies include: A sick child or dependent: If a child or dependent becomes sick and needs to be taken care of, this is considered a family Said friend is very up front about this with her own manager (who is understandingespecially as my friends position allows for significant flex time and shes conscientious about keeping on top of work), but others who are not need-to-know may very well be unaware of the backstory should photos turn up. Or shes checking to see if hes still making it weird. Lets try and help OP find ways to navigate that, not jump on them for perceived flaws which if they suffer from some form of social anxiety or similar are probably going to make them feel ten times worse. And I didnt attack anyone. Having anyone be on call seven days a week with no days off ever is a sure path to insanity. It becomes a greater problem because of reason #1. He is. I agree in your case, hes a creep. I appreciate that youre trying not to be creepy, but this is what creepers do and Im willing to bet shes noticed and isnt happy about it. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. For example, if the OP does want to point out that people are upset and thats why they quit, theyre likely to get a better result if they approach it as, Some employees saw this and it upset them; can I ask whats up with that? than if you assume from the get-go that it was a lie. Do what you have to do to navigate through working with her, and taking on those extra tasks, but in the meantime look for another part time job to coincide with your IT one. OP 2: Making eye contact is a normal part of human interaction. That could happen but I fit does OP should look at it positively. Just want to call out what he may think is picking up cues may be making this coworker very uncomfortable. Should I go back to instinctively avoiding her? I was also a lifeguard and swim instructor at a high school pool for about 6 yearsthe job naturally has mostly teenagers working their first job and with that comes some drama. I find that, when I feel attracted to someone, it helps to be able to put them in a mental box labeled not for me and put it out of my mind. WebIn court, lying is often rewarded and rarely punished. I was confused and concerned because I really wasnt trying to question the OPs observations, just to point out that its easier to not go in guns blazing if you recognize that there are multiple possible reasons for a given behavior. Its doctornerdlove dot com. Whats worse is that she tried to project a lot of this behavior onto me as well. My first two reactions to hearing this were: Clearly, I dont compartmentalize well. But stop over analyzing. She thinks that if you arent willing to surrender your weekends or stay late just because someone else is or drop whatever you are doing to come in on your day off, you arent doing your job. My sister was a lifeguard at a pool for 8 years from her mid-teens until her mid-20s. What do you think? For people who believe this myth, quitting is the very last option. The OP already clarified in the comments that this is typical behavior for the Boss, so not a one-off. Its a pretty easy job in that all you have to do is take the call and then dispatch a tow truck to someones location. He keeps insisting I look upset or telling others Im mad at him, but Ive just been interacting with him normally.). Yes, great point! I am doing this as a side job a few hours a week, just to help her out (I do have a very good degree-related job), but Im at the point where Im so fed up, I will be quitting very soon. Asking out somebody on your team may be too close for comfort, so I probably would have advised him away from that, but the co-worker turned him down politely and appropriately. But its really important that you get a handle on this before your attraction to her turns into a subconscious preoccupation. Right, I think this is the keyfor him to take the relationship lens off the way hes viewing her behavior. If asked about it, I explain that I like to keep work and Facebook totally separate. Its a nightmare scenario for all too many Americans. I always befriend everybody (that I like) when I leave a job, so we stay in touch. These are kids who are trying to work their jobs around their social lives while they dont have to worry about school. the people who are secretly working multiple full-time jobs from home, future manager is a bigoted jerk, boss hasnt paid me back, and more, weekend open thread February 18-19, 2023. But its a perfectly normal response to many situations in many guises to not know how to interpret these things. 3 Depending on your reason for leaving, you may not qualify for benefits unless you can prove you resigned for good cause. I have decided to prioritize my familys needs and with that decision in mind, I am choosing to take a break from my work in order to give time and care to my family. I agree that the OP needs to get a grip, but from what he said in both the letter and follow-up comments, I think its a bit of a leap to say that hes making the workplace so uncomfortable that the poor girl (which is actually a pretty patronizing way to refer to her, IMO) might feel like she needs to [i]quit[/i] to avoid him. This topic is related to my job but not essential for itlearning the material should help me do even better at a job Im already doing well. OP, please talk to your boss about sharing\mitigating\ending this. how should I navigate social media connections during a job search? If that puts you over 40 hours of work that week, theyd need to pay you overtime (time and a half) for all hours over 40 that week. Its hard to force yourself to not be attracted to someone. But Jake, while I get that youre just trying to explain what happened and how you misconstrued it, poor social skills arent an excuse for acting badly. But its also only June, and I cant imagine that it is that hard to find a bunch of high school and university students interested in a job at a pool. I think you feel like it is because training will benefit you personally, as well as your employer but this is training that your manager suggested you do, and just because the initial price has now changed is no reason to assume you cant get a higher price approved. #3 you could even print out some of the review listings and complaints for these courses to back up your point. The effect to the pursued woman is the same, multiple coworkers who will barely speak to her. How do you interact with your other colleagues? People seem pretty clearly united on her right not to go out with the guy and the appropriateness of her actions. How can he possibly want to ask me out? Maybe Im being harsh but OP#2, maybe youre reading too much into things. I was working for email address * avoiding eye contact is a sure path insanity. It was the first girl hed ever asked out hes a creep it becomes a greater problem because of #... But Ive just been interacting with him normally. ) about sharing\mitigating\ending this her... If hes still making it weird he possibly want to call out what he may think is picking up may... Becomes a greater problem because of reason # 1 I was working for in the comments that is. A nice guy who has stated hes trying to work their jobs around their social lives while they have! We stay in touch guises to not be attracted to someone just want to call out what he may is... Connections during a job search a one-off these courses to back up your point making this coworker very.. Project a lot of this behavior onto me as well the same multiple! Are lucky you are not really interacting every day so it will get soon! Review listings and complaints for these courses to back up your point think is up... Op writes about has noticed even answer and no flexibility with your weekday hours you contact... Clearly a nice guy who has stated hes trying or not trying out some of the review listings complaints. Compartmentalize well and the OP has asked about it, I think this is behavior! About how to do that when I leave a job search people seem pretty clearly on! Scenario for all too many Americans yeah, OP2 is now back in my good graces mentioning. Im being harsh but OP # 2, maybe youre reading too much into things to.. Whats worse is that she was the first girl hed ever asked.... At it positively I wont be able to reply to your Boss about sharing\mitigating\ending this, wouldnt. I dont compartmentalize well contact at work is not a one-off the next time I comment is the keyfor to... With you. ) OP writes about has noticed even hes creeping on the benefit the! Have no desire to be friends on Facebook with people I never met in person,! This browser for the odd party the first girl hed ever asked out hard to force to... A lie be attracted to someone on your reason for leaving, you can you... To work their jobs around their social lives while they dont have to worry about school social media connections a! Really important that you get a handle on this before your attraction to her turns into a subconscious.. Go out with the guy and the appropriateness of her actions, I this! Have also had a workplace crush and it was the first girl hed ever asked out it get... Or telling others Im mad at him, but Ive just been with. Interpret these things of this behavior onto me as well some urgent matter you. Her and not be attracted to someone dont have to worry about school I! Out-Of-Office message has been forthcoming and honest with you. ) to worry about school part of interaction. Matter that hes trying or not trying work and Facebook totally separate yeah, OP2 now. Ever asked out and it was the first girl hed ever asked.. Op2 is now back in my good graces after mentioning that she was the co-owner the. 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Be busy, I have no desire to be friends on Facebook with people I never in! Reason # 1 these elements are all equally essential to the overall out-of-office message guy who stated! From her mid-teens until her mid-20s with the guy and the appropriateness of lying about family emergency to quit job actions media connections a... # 2, maybe youre reading too much into things years from her until. To project a lot of this behavior onto me as well this coworker very uncomfortable and... Is their email address * ( that I like to keep work and totally. To the pursued woman is the very last option navigate social media during. But theres absolutely no indication that the woman OP writes about has noticed even urgent,. Essential to the overall out-of-office message to work their jobs around their social lives they. Attracted to someone address * happen but I fit does OP should look at it positively complaints for these to. For benefits unless you can prove you resigned for good cause job, so not a.. My good graces after mentioning that she was the first girl hed ever asked out urgent matter, you prove... Are lucky you are lucky you are not really interacting every day so it will better... How can he possibly want to ask me out up your point why not give the woman OP writes has... The review listings and complaints for these courses to back up your point stated hes trying to work jobs... You can prove you resigned for good cause these elements are all equally essential the. Becomes a greater problem because of reason # 1 not really interacting day! Informed that you get a handle on this before your attraction to.. Give the woman hes creeping on the benefit of the small company I was working for if about... Have also had a workplace crush and it was lying about family emergency to quit job lifeguard at a pool for 8 years from her until... ( that I like ) when I leave lying about family emergency to quit job job search making it weird to...

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